I Miss

Missing things that will probably never be. At least not again. Not they way they were. The stars won't align like that again for 100 years. I won't be around that long. If I'm lucky I'll be here 82 more years. And then I'll be missing a lot more than I am now. I know there are people out there who suffer more than I do, need more than I do, and have a way worse life than I do. But either way you look at it. It still hurts. It's still a big deal. To me. I gave him my everything. But out of all the things I gave him, most importantly, I gave him my heart. All of it. Not 1/2 or 3/4. 100%. All of it. And he gave me his all too. We were supposed to get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. "We were just kids" you say. Well it didn't feel like that to us. It felt real. The real deal. It felt that way because it was. We loved each other more than anything in the whole wide world. We were two peas in a pod. Destiny. A match made in heaven. However you put it , we were unstoppable, except we weren't. There was depression, suicide, and then parents. They were big ass road blocks but we were determined to do whatever it took to get around them and continue on the road to happiness. But that and the fact that I was leaving to go to college. Really just forced it to end. But we promised to stay friends. That we would do this cuz we had to not cuz we wanted to and that hopefully are paths would cross again in the future. Cuz no one knows what the future holds. But now I'm back home and we are living two separate lives. I knew it would be this way. I know it's for the better. I know he will always love me. I have another boyfriend whom I love. But he's so far away. I miss him too and the way he didn't give a shit about all my quirks. My feelings are just so complicated. I miss when everything was simple and I was happy. Happiness. Where did you go? Why did you leave? And what can I do to make you come back again? That's all for now until next time catch you in the flip side.