2013

This New Year thing what's all the hype? One minute it's one year and the next it's not and NOTHING has changed except the CALENDAR. All these bottled up feelings and open ends make it nearly impossible to go to sleep. I love this boy, no correction, I'm in love with this boy, Sean is his name, and no one gets it. Not my mom, not my friends, not my family friends, NO ONE! Except me and him. But to be honest who really understands love? It's not my fault I give things my all, my 100%, especially relationships. I want them to work, to last, and like each and every other god damn person on this planet; I want to be wanted. HE wants me, HE makes me smile, HE loves me and visa versa. Yes. He lives in Montana. Yes. I have no idea when I'll see him again. No. This isn't just a fling, a phase, or a fad. He's not just some dumb boy who only wants to get in my pants. He matters. Also, I'm 18. Let me go, let me be free, stop micromanaging every little tiny detail of my life. I'm a big girl now. I have a brain you know? That thinks for itself. That wants to make its own decisions. So let it for heaven sake! Another thing. Everyone always says things will change and this year will be different. I'll loose wait, I'll save money, I'll be nicer, I'll stand up for myself. But the bottom line is people never really change. Not like that. Not at the drop of the hat. People are pretty much hard wired to be exactly the way they are. We can change we are just too lazy and too unwilling. Us Americans want everything to be hand fed to us and then be able to bite the hand whenever we feel like it. If you keep insisting that I really don't know what the hell I'm doing you'll just end up pushing me away. Don't test me. I will run far far away and never come back. Nothing. Not even you can stop me. So please let me spread my wings and learn how to fly. ALL ON MY OWN! That's all for now. Until next time catch you on the flip side.