Alone

Alone. All alone. No one in front of me, beside me, or behind me.  Just me. Me, me. The more I say the word the more confused I get. The harder I think it seems impossible to remember. Who me is, was, or ever wanted to be. That poor little lost girl, what happened to her? I'll tell you what happened. She was loved but then the loving suffocated her. She was pretty but then society told her otherwise. She believed in God but then he let her down. She tried to find someone to love her. She finally found one and he was perfect. Except he wasn't. He was sad so very sad. And he felt alone. So he pushed everyone out and held it in until he couldn't anymore. Then it was like a silent river rushed past. It wiped everything away so quickly that no one had a chance to save anything. All the people lived but they were distraught, lost, and confused. The little girl got lost in the confusion and swallowed whole by their madness. "Save us," they said. They had forgotten she was only a little girl. The little girl tried though. She tried with all her might. Time passed and the girl realized she couldn't save them they had to save themselves. The girl had a one way ticket out of town. As much as she had wanted to leave, to spread her wings and fly, she was scared now. She would have to leave the boy behind, but how could she when she loved him so. The boy understood. He knew she had to go. The girl was alone once more. She entered the new land scared and unwilling. It showed. They did not like the way she beat to her own drum. She toughed it out though like she always has. But somewhere in the middle of it all, in the shuffle of life, the girl got lost again and this time she didn't want to return. She found help. She made a decision and came home. Between falling apart and coming home she met another boy, but that is falling apart too. "Doomed to fail", as he puts it. She dreams not of him, but her first love, and it makes her long for him. She misses him immensely. What can I do though? I can't have him back. My parents frustrate me and I just want to leave. Runway and NEVER come back. Where would I run to though? What good would that do? Because no matter how far I run I will still feel conflicted. I can't run from what's really bothering me, MYSELF. I can't run to someone to fix it, just like I couldn't save them, no one can save me, but me. But I'm worried I'm not strong enough, or motivated enough, or wise enough to do it. So here I sit ,all alone, just wallowing in the madness that is my life. That's all for now until next time catch you on the flip side.