false

No. A very powerful word. As powerful as it is I don't use it very often. I can't seem to say no to people. I don't want to disappoint them or let them down. I'm sure I already have even though they say I haven't. I let myself down in a way because I lost my dream. I don't know what I want to be anymore. But it's not a teacher, not a Cobber, not a camp counselor, and not depressed. I want to be happy. I am, relatively, I just want to know that the things I do are actually doing something. That the words I write on this blog or in my notebooks will be published someday. Or that the kids I worked with at camp and at church might have actually changed for the better. I'm tempted to just give up. Throw in the towel. Put everything I've ever written in a fire and watch it burn until all that's left is ashes. I'll never be as good as Sarah Dessen, Ann Brashares, Dr. Seuss, or all the other authors I idolize. And honestly who reads books nowadays anyway? Writing is a dying art. So I might as well give up on a dream that will probably never come true anyway. No. I'm not okay. I quit school at Concordia. I miss my friends there, but I'm glad to be here. Except I'm not. The people who used to get on my nerves still do and now I live with my parents. Not exactly an 18 year old girl's dream. I don't seem to belong anywhere. Being here reminds me of the things that no longer exist and being there makes me miss the things that do. The things and people that go on without me. I belong with Sean. But we both need to be where we are for the time being. Which just so happens to be thousands of miles away from each other. So I'll just close my eyes, listen to a sad song, and wish, because what else can I do? That's all for now until next time catch you on the flip side.