Crazy

Things I contemplate on a daily basis:

-Suicide (In so many ways. All painful.)

-Homicide (A lot of people piss me off and sometimes I just want to kill them all... not in pretty ways either.)

-Running Away (To anywhere, to somewhere specific sometimes, mostly I just think I'll drive and drive until I'm good and lost and settle down there with all the money I don't have.)

-Leaving my Job (Like not formally. Finally yelling at the girls higher than me. Telling them what a bunch of power hungry bitches they are and walking out. Never looking back.)

-Throwing all my Writing Away (Because it's all shit anyway.)

-Hurting Myself (In ways I don't wanna talk about. They aren't pretty. But I wouldn't die, that's all i will say about that.)

-Going to Him (Him is now code for my ex best friend. I just think if I show up at his doorstep or at his work he'll have to talk to me and things will change. Go back to the way they were or maybe better even.)

-Life in General (Am I going anywhere? Why am I here? How can I trust anyone? How can anyone love a girl as broken as me? And so many more questions there are much too many to list.)

So if you were ever to think that KELSEY has it EASY. God I wish I was Kelsey. Think again because I promise you you don't want to be in my head. In this messed up mind. Going on with a half dead, broken, bleeding, and barely beating heart.

However, I am tougher than all the pain. Somehow, I'll make it through. Not that I believe it. Not a little bit. Not all. But people tell me so. And they can't all be bold faced LIARS right?

I'm loosing my mind. I'm going insane. I never had sanity to begin with anyway. Get me out of this house. Let me take care of someone else. Everyone else. Until I can find someone who can take care of me. And the Princess I rightfully am. I'm a Princess goddamn-it! I don't care what you think what you think of me... that's a lie I do. More than I care what I think about me. I care about others over me always. I get stepped on. It sucks.

Life sucks... it's okay. Okay means bad. Bad means terrible. Good means okay. And great means great. Why can't people just say what they mean. Some things in life are so backwards. Especially me, I seem to do everything backwards.

Sorry for the rant, actually sorry not sorry. Never apologize for your feelings, because how you feel is valid. Making sense of this crazy world one tangent at a time. So until next time catch you on the flip side.