How Am I Supposed To Feel

How am I supposed to feel when you fuck me?
How am I supposed to feel when you tell me you don't think you're ready?
Will you ever be?
Should I date other people?
But I don't want to.
Because I like you.
Is that so wrong?
You talk to me, call me beautiful, and amazing.
So tell me how am I supposed to feel?
You say I shouldn't apologize for my feelings
But all I want to say is sorry.
Because I'm afraid if I don't apologize you'll find a reason to leave.
I'm not like other girls.
I'm scared that will drive you away.
How am I supposed to feel when I feel like we are so different
Yet similar all at the same time.
I know where you come from.
I'm not judging you on that.
I'm only judging you on the person you are now.
And I don't know how I feel.
You let me sit there when I cried
You wiped away my tears
And yet maybe even still
A connection isn't in the cards
Maybe it's another dead end
That just ends with us as friends.
I hope not.
So it's probably too soon to tell
There is no fast track to love
Even though I wish there were
I jump too fast.
I give too much.
How am I supposed to feel about all the rest?
Like uncertain futures
And nights spent alone
Does it really all fall into place?
I doubt it.
I feel sad, confused
And kinda like I'm not good enough for anyone
Not even you.
I know it's twisted.
I know it's wrong.
But how am I supposed to feel?