Little Girl

I'm a girl on lock down,
Headed for a break down,
Can't even get the low down,
Because she's out,
Out of the loop,
Out of touch,
Too young,
Too old,
Not too bad,
And not good enough,
Sitting alone in her room,
Facing her impending doom,
That she'll never get to grow up,
Because no one will let her,
To always be a caged bird,
And never get the chance to fly,
Because every chance she gets,
Is taken away,
Stolen, smashed, broken, and shattered,
Till nothing remains and everything is tattered,
Until there is no reason to run because she has nothing to fear,
The monster is out there they gear,
However, that's a lie,
A bold faced lie,
The monster is right here inside,
Keeping you "safe" letting you abide,
Hoping you'll be forever by it's side,
What it doesn't know is how mad you are,
How over it you have become,
How honestly you could care less what it thinks,
That with each argument,
Each battle it wins,
Pushes you farther out the door,
It also doesn't know the inner battles you face,
How he left you,
How you feel out of place,
How still you feel like you don't quite fit in,
Anywhere,
Like you're everyone's last choice,
Also, it doesn't REALLY know how much you've changed,
That FREEDOM is something you crave,
That if you NEVER had to come back home,
You probably wouldn't,
You'd get in your car and drive until you were good and lost,
Find a place at a cheap cost,
Call it your own,
Start a new life,
Tell it nothing,
Until you were ready,
And then maybe,
Just maybe,
It would see,
That you are no longer three,
And it would finally have the strength to know,
That it had to let go.

It's Over

Okay, no. It's not okay. I'm a person alright. I deserve better than your wishy washy bullshit. You're either in or out. I guess you've chosen out. I guess you're done. I guess you don't want to take the second chance. I guess you're no longer under my trance. I didn't mean to make you feel trapped. I thought you wanted it too. I thought one day you wanted to say, "I do." I thought you didn't care what they said; what they thought. I thought it only mattered that we knew how we felt about each other. I thought our LOVE would be enough. I thought we could past the test of time. But I guess it was all a lie. I guess this is goodbye. Spread your wings and fly. Fall. Cry. Date her instead of sort of dating me. See if I care. Because you obviously don't. At least not enough to actually say how you really felt to my face. I know you're not perfect, but the boy I fell in love with last spring was way more mature than this. I'm not a piece of glass I could've taken it. But to lay out all my cards, put all my eggs in one basket, for this chance, and then to have it torn down through a third party, WTF! You don't do that. That's soooo Middle School. You are better than that. I know you are. But that's just it. I'm done. I'm done believing in you. I'm done trying. I'm done defending you and justifying when you disappear,  and when you treat me like shit. OKAY! Do you get it? Do you? I'm not just your fall back girl. I'm not just a toy you can play with whenever you feel like it and put away when you don't. So go away! There's the door. GO! If that's what you really want please leave and shut it behind you. Know however when you do leave, you can't come back, at least not for a LONG TIME, if EVER! So choose wisely. Don't expect me to wait either. I just hope you know how it feels to be betrayed and broken like this. I hope you know how much I loved you. I hope you know how utterly disappointed I am in you. But I will not apologize for holding on, for being me, for growing up, for thinking about the past, because I am responsible for my actions. The question is are you? Until next time catch you on the flip side.

Vote

Hey people who read my blog I need you to vote on something for me. Please and thank you. Oh and also thank you for reading my blog. It means the world to me. Hugs and Kisses. http://mylifeundecided.com/2013/05/to-pierce-or-not-to-pierce-that-is-the-question/
Just click in this link and it will bring you to where you have to vote

Friend Zone Queen

This is one of those moments when I know I'm not okay. When all I want to do is cry and scream all at the same time. When I want to reach out to someone but I know they won't understand and I'll just get more upset. Fuck the friend zone! I know it's not me. I believe him, that it's really just him, I do. I also believe that he could really use a good friend right now. The other part of me though is upset. I really do like him. Kissing him felt great and I was actually happy. We had only just met but I thought we were good. I thought we might actually work for a while. Not forever, I don't even have tomorrow planned, but a while. I thought he felt the same way.Was the kissing all lies!!?? I have to say no. In the moment that is what he wanted. What we both wanted. But now he doesn't. He is confused and he doesn't want to drag another girl into the confusion. Understandable. Hurtful? Yes, but understandable. So as we enter this world as two and not one. As friends and nothing more. I sincerely hope we can push through the awkwardness and find the happiness. But for tonight, I will reminisce, feel sad, and miss his kiss. For I have a right to feel this way, but in the end I know everything will be okay. And to all of you who have been put in the friend zone. Hang on. Until next time; catch you on the flip side.